ARE THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES SELFISH?
WHERE THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES FALL SHORT
I have been asked numerous times what my love language is, and each time my response has been just show me you consistently love me. The first time I encountered the question, I found myself puzzled and unsure of its meaning. After it was explained, I didn’t give it much thought because it felt somewhat selfish. The idea that if I don’t express love in your preferred way implies a lack of receiving love, and that my affection would be measured by my ability to speak your language, seemed counterproductive to building a strong relationship. While I recognized the potential downsides of this concept, I also saw its benefits in fostering communication between people who love one another and over time. As I made efforts to express love according to these languages, I never prioritized identifying my own love language. I eventually decided to take the test but found myself unable to finish; answering questions with no context did not resonate with me. I tried to approach it with an open mind, but selecting one action over another felt impossible and somewhat self-centered. Why would I prefer a hug over a loving note when someone is expressing an action that is saying I love you?
Love reveals itself not just in moments of joy, but in the trials we face together. It’s easy to feel connected when life flows smoothly and happiness is abundant, leaving no doubt about the love that embraces us. Yet, when challenges arise and the weight of tough times settles in, will you take the path of least resistance and abandon ship, or will you choose to stand by each other and persevere through the storm? In those moments when words may feel burdensome and silence lingers, how will you bridge that gap? Will you choose to engage and share your heart, or will you withdraw into silence and distance?
In the midst of difficult times in your relationship, have you observed how the 5 love languages come into play as you and your partner navigate your feelings during emotionally charged situations?
The 5 Love Languages from what I can tell does not discuss adversity and for me love is all about how you deal with avoiding and handling adversity TOGETHER.
LOVE THROUGH ADVERSITY
You can be upset, mad, or hurt and still not disrespect or hurt your loved one during intense moments. You can show emotion but do not allow yourself to be drowned in emotions.
Showing Love During Adversity is one of the indicators that shows if the relationship has the potential to be “forever” or temporary. How well do you all handle the problems “together” and do you all grow or is it a repeating cycle of failure? Is there a problem that is to big to overcome?
And the final question that needs to be answered is, are we going to be together for beyond life?
This answer only comes when you learn how your mate handles adversity with and without you. Acquiring this answer will also allow for people to understand how to “get the ear” of their loved one during adverse times. The dominant language may change during adversity or they may not speak any language because they have shut down.
Show the relationship is the priority. Once you commit, COMMIT. There should be no question or doubt about being with anyone else. There should be no plan B, no looking at the grass on the other side. When two people have decided to commit and respect each other for life there should be no obstacle that can get in between them. It now is all about making adjustments to ensure the relationship stays strong and lasts forever (this is where the 5 Love Languages can be applied).
This is how I show my love and what I look for in love. I don’t have a love language because I am able to translate all the languages of love. I am more excited with the idea of you loving me then getting caught up in the how or the what. Would I prefer cash over most gifts of course, but I can acknowledge and appreciate the gesture of receiving a well thought out gift.
We live in a culture that divorce is okay. Commitment is short term. Long term doesn’t necessarily mean forever (why not say life term?). Words, actions and promises easily can be contradicted for the sake of living your best life. “YOLO” (You Only Live Once), “I’m doing me” or “I’m focusing on me” allows individuals to dismiss the importance of relationships and condones selfishness. Lying and cheating are okay and accepted as a norm. The idea of “hating” allows for people to feel better about their selfish actions.
Loving During Adversity allows you to analyze if a person you are interested in is actually going to be committed for life. With the way games are being played, a person can easily manipulate the 5 Love Languages and leave you confused. You can speak the languages of love without love, but adverse times shows whether love is present and how strong that love is.
Love never let you down, it was who you decided to love that let you down. Unfortunately, you have to understand how to differentiate love (shout out to my educators). Love comes with different levels. There are people you have to love from afar and those people are the ones you shouldn’t be in a committed relationship with. Loving During Adversity allows you to find your mate while protecting your heart during the process. Character and commitment are the cornerstone and life blood of a strong successful relationship. You shouldn’t fall in love with anyone until you understand how they handle adversity because adversity exposes not only your character but how committed they are to you.
THE 4 VIRTUES OF LOVE
When we extend to our partners the same love we reserve for God and adhere to the timeless principles of love, we can genuinely fulfill the emotional needs of those we hold dear. In 1 Corinthians 13 Paul gives us the rubric on what love is and what love is not. Love will in endure a long time. It is not temporary and love comes with a price tag of long suffering and kindness.
The five love languages can provide a valuable checkmarks for nurturing joy and gratitude when we express true affection but how long are you willing to give and receive love?
Love is a profound and transformative force that embodies strength, faith, hope, and resilience, guiding us through the intricate journey it offers. It meets every challenge head-on, inviting us to strengthen our devotion to God and each other. Love encourages us to embody true charity, recognizing our shared imperfections and understanding that authentic love often necessitates selfless sacrifices in pursuit of deeper rewards. By its essence, love gracefully conceals our flaws, favoring understanding over judgment, akin to a pearl oyster that, through its patience and grace, turns irritation into beauty. It actively embraces the imperfections of others, holding onto a steadfast hope rooted in faith and optimism, even amidst the most difficult times. In its purest form, agape love is marked by its relentless endurance, consistently bearing, believing, and hoping, even when faced with challenges, capable of turning adversaries into allies and drawing couples to become as one.
SELFISH?
The five love languages provide essential tools for expressing love, but their true impact hinges on the sincerity behind them and the expectations of the ones who receive love. While these languages offer a framework for demonstrating affection, simply speaking them doesn’t guarantee that love is genuinely conveyed or received. Authentic love is evidenced through consistent actions, particularly during challenging times. Are you ready to not only understand but also embody these love languages when faced with adversity?
lluv
I would love to hear your thoughts.
PURPOSE DRIVEN
NLIGN
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